McDisgusting

Is there ever a polite way of telling someone they live in filth? From time to time I find myself going into places that is beyond livable. And yesterday I had one of those lovely experiences...I was met at the door by, wait, let us start with coming up to the house. I see the address numbers on a sign by the street and make the turn into the driveway. Here is where I first hear the lovely sounds of a small dog barking to greet me, but couldn't see him through the tall grass, always a plus to not run over customers pets in their driveways. I see this house that just looks run down with two of the windows boarded up. And on the corner of this house I once again see the house address on the side of this P.O.S. and start thinking AWESOME!!! But as I got further into the landscaping nightmare, I saw a car parked behind the shack. And low and behold a single wide was back there with it. Not much better but more put together then the 1st house. Now at this point I have finally got to see what was barking at me, a little male daschund that was as friendly as could be. And another white Toto looking dog that just kinda sat there and stared at me. I knocked on the door and out came a women that has, how do I say it, let herself go?! Wearing a t-shirt and I'm not too sure if anything else was under there, but a there was a very large t-shirt on her. From what I could tell the inside had about the same effort put into cleaning it as the outside did, with just a hint of Pine Sol in the air...ha ha just kidding, it smelled like old McDonald's and farts coming out of that place! There in the back ground I could see the silhouette of something behind her, not sure what it was, but it was large. I was explaining to her that I had installed her service and was wondering if she had hooked up her modem yet? She told me no and that her son said he could do it. At this point the person behind her came out of the shadows and appeared in the daylight. It was a young girl, maybe late teens early twenty's. I'm not going to comment on her for the fact I kinda feel sorry for her, seeing how she is living. I'm guessing  this was my customers daughter, or girlfriend to the son. I went and checked to make sure that everything was working as it should at the box and came back to tell her it was good to go. This is when I met the son, he too was over the 350 lbs. mark and wasn't wearing a shirt? WTF, I weigh a lot less than that and barley EVER take off my shirt in the house, how in the heck can this guy feel comfortable walking around outside???? It's really weird how one's nipples start to oval out after they become so large, only on males of course, no need pissing off the ladies. And besides they usually keep their shirts on. I did see the one women tell the little dog to stop trying to come in the house, which I think was a smarter choice for the dog then he realized. Now I know this seems like a rant about overweight people, but it's not, it's about people being lazy and not taking care of themselves, their pets, and their personal property. Damn you live there, take a little pride and clean up.
Sorry for the rant just venting, have a good day,
Marc

Internet, The Wave Of The Future...For Old People?????

Theme for this post: OLD PEOPLE ON THE INTERNET LIKE PORN TOO!!!
The other day I had the opportunity to meet a very nice elderly couple. They invited me in, and we went to the spare bedroom where their modem was. He started by telling me what he had already tried and what has been happening prior to my arrival. Then the wife chimes in about her having troubles with calling long distance. I then noticed a weird little look come across her husbands face after she spoke. Not shortly after that they both left the room. I started to look at the modem and do some test when I heard them start to argue/disagree but not in a drunkin' slap around and cursing kind of way, more like if Mary Poppin's and Nanny McPhee were to meet in a back alley in Britain. But back to the point, they were discussing how she needs to stop bothering the repairman with stupid things like long distance and voice mail, he needs to worry about getting the internet back up. "Besides, you talk to darn much to that nosey sister of yours anyways! I thought we moved here to get away from her?!" Now the reason I know this is because, they are old and they tend to speak loudly at each other so the other can hear. Now knowing this, and the fact that they stepped out of the room so that I wouldn't, makes it that much more awkward when they return. Both come in staring at me as I'm sitting on their floor messing with the jack. The tension seemed to die down after I mention how long it had been since I had watched The Price Is Right, oh that's right forgot to tell you that The Price Is Right was playing on their TV. See, these are things you learn while out amongst the normal people, to try and diffuse a situation by making whoever is upset feel relaxed. And something about Drew Carey and "A NEW CAR!!!" that just makes the blue hair's calm. http://www.urbandictionary.com/define.php?term=blue%20hair We got everything fixed with his internet, and I pulled the misses on the side while the mister played on his computer, and explained to her what she needed to do to get her long distance fixed. I then left her my number, and told the husband I did so, just so we don't get another call from a mad husband... (earlier post), and I was on my way. Good times with some relics....ha ha ha  Love me some oldies! One more for the road, I had another older guy that had internet problems, but he lived with 3 fat little dogs and that was it. He smoked like a chimney, and that is always a plus for someone that doesn't smoke anymore. But while I'm trying to figure out what's going on, his desktop switches over to his screen saver. Which was set on his picture file I guess. Random pics of family members are popping up. Some people more than others but just random memories. Not a big deal, right? WRONG, then here and there a down shirt shot would pop up. But it was of some of the teenage girls that were in the other family pictures, and they weren't what I would exactly call consented pictures. Shit like that really makes me feel uneasy, this is his personal weirdness, not something I should be privy too. But he knew what was on it, and didn't try to make the screen saver go away...weird pervert is how I'm chalking that one up!
Have a great day and stay weird normal people,
Marc

Hit Me Like a Ton of Cat Shit Bricks

I entered a house today that completely smelled like very strong body odor. Now you would think as you moved around this house it would calm down, but it didn't, every room I went into, it was almost like Ben Stiller in Along Came Polly playing basketball http://www.youtube.com/watch?feature=player_detailpage&v=OSqvy93s4ao... eeeewwwwhhhh!!! How can one live in this funk, but I guess much like the crazy cat ladies, after your used to the ammonia cat pee smell you just don't notice it anymore. Thank goodness I only had to be in there about 4.5 minutes! Yesterday, I was asked, well told when I got in that I would be going to another area to help out. No problemo, should be no trouble at all. Boy was I wrong! There was people, stop lights, and traffic everywhere. I'm used to being on a road for an hour and not seeing anyone pass me in that time frame. Here, you better be looking or they will run your butt over, then honk at you for getting pieces of you on their hood. It's been about 6 1/2 years since I've lived up north and have become slightly accustom to the slower paced life. But enough about me being a deer in headlights around civilization, the third job I had in this area was in an middle class neighborhood, nothing out of the ordinary. I checked the customers trouble out, and seemed to be working fine on the outside, but no one was home. So I called the can be reached number to see if I could get access inside. A lady answers and after explaining who I was and what I found, she asked if I would mind staying th+re until she got there? I told her I would and she arrived about 10 minutes later. We greet and then go inside to check her internet, bam we walk into cat urine castle, you know, the kind that takes your breath away. Monday's are always the best! After I start testing on her modem, she asks me a question. "Can anyone just get access to your cell phone records?" "Excuse me?" "Well since you work for the phone company I figured you might know." "No ma'am, not really sure, but why?" My own fault at this point....right....I asked her, should have just kept my mouth shut. Now really quick, I forgot to mention that her husband had passed away back in January of this year. So she explains that she has a boyfriend and that he was almost fired today. "Why is that?" I'm just glutten for punishment...lol. Well his company said they had obtained his cell phone records and had all her text messages she had sent to him. And since she was a customer they, the company, felt it was in bad taste for him to date a customer. So I asked "Was this his company cell phone?" "No, his personal." "Well then, I can't see how they can get his cell phone records without a court order." She then emphatically explained to me this is what he is telling her and that she is going to go to Verizon and find out why all this is going on! At the time I thought nothing of it and wished her luck. That night I was telling my wife about the incident, and the first thing she said was, "He's trying to get rid of her." Damn, now that I think about it, he was. And she was buying this story...LOL. Well I guess she will learn eventually. But I think the moral of the story here is, don't get a boyfriend 2 months after your husband of a bunch of years passes away, oh and clean that damn cat litter!!!
Enjoy everyone,
Marc

Just Because Me Smile, Doesn't Mean I give a ...!!!

What part of a friendly person says yes, I want to hear about your weird hobbies, or please show me your odd collection of weird shit? I think in general I'm a happy out going kind of person, but then again when it comes to my job, I have to be a pleasant person being that I work for/with the public. Now a smile and a slight question about something I might notice in someones house sure can open a large can of I don't care. But yet time after time I find myself looking at a customer's old love notes, or drinking glasses from the 1900's. These are impressive things to some people, just not me. Why someone would hold onto a collection of Dale Earnhardt anything is beyond me. And while we are on the subject of racing, the amount of toy racing cars still in packages I've seen stapled to a wood paneled wall is just ridiculous!!! These are grown ups with Hot Wheels stapled to their walls, uhm who do you think is going to buy these from you? I also don't think stuffed animals should ever be used to decorate any room in your trailer, especially if no children live there! The whole wall was just stuffed animals, like when they tried to hide E.T. in the closet.
I had a guy that kept all his old Pabst Blue Ribbon 12 pack boxes, he had to be a drunk, the whole out building was filled with them. On a side note, a child came running down the stairs of a house I was in today yelling "the chicken somehow got out of it again!" LOL, not going upstairs is all I was thinking. Yesterday I was lucky enough to have to work on a customer who phone line is in buried cable. Well wouldn't you know it, every pedestal I had to go in was a mouses house. And those mice sure do pee and pooh a LOT!!! And this is a very distinctive smell. So once I bleached my hands, I found the customers problem underneath his deck/wheelchair ramp. I start to crawl under it and get myself in a position to work on the wire. I find that the wonderful cat has chewed on the wire and the water from the lovely weather we've had was making a horrible static noise on their line. As I'm fixing the problem I keep smelling a weird smell, after a slight turn of the head, I notice I'm 3-4 inches from cat shit. This is where their cat takes his moment in the day to reflect and I'm laying next to it. I guess the cat finds himself bored while pooping and feels the need to chew on the phone wire...WTF?! But the customer is fixed, I'm cat pooh free and it's going to be warm this weekend...Glass is half full people!
Marc

Tighter Than a Duck's Butt

Today I had what I felt to be a close encounter of the worst kind. And it got me thinking about certain situations on my job that have made me a little more than uncomfortable. Where I work has a good portion of it in the mountains and February through March is windy season. Now if you have never experienced the warm feeling of being 30 feet in the air when a 65 mph wind comes at you, then you don't know how well certain muscles will work all by themselves. You become at one with the pole and hope your ladder has the same idea. The incident today happened under a trailer. I was a good distance underneath it when I heard a flush of the toilet. Now if anyone knows a thing or two about trailers, then you also know that more than not someone besides a plumber is connecting all the piping up. Which means sometimes you find a little toilet drainage on the ground under and around the trailer. Mmmm mmmm good I tell you!!! So when your underneath and you hear any kind of water rolling through the pipes, you become a bit weary. But all was good and they had a professional do their plumbing...win for me! Another time where I did an ass pucker was when I was working on a customers box on the outside of the house, been there about 2-3 minutes and was just getting ready to go back to my van when I noticed a very large dog in between me and my van. Now from past experiences I have learned to keep dog treats for just this occasion. Buttttttt, they were in the van which was 100 ft and a very big Mastiff away. So much for that waste of genius. You must show no fear is what I have heard, so I tried to do hand gestures, so the dog wouldn't see my knees knocking together. Maybe getting eye level will work, nope. The dog then tackled me, at least he was friendly.
Well that's about it, off to enjoy the nice weather,
Marc

Knock Knock

Ok, I knock on the door as I usually do. There is a car in the driveway and lights are on. Well I see the door knob turn a few times then it stops, no talking, no unlocking sounds, no nothing. I'm thinking maybe it's a child and the parent is telling them not to open the door till they get there, or they forgot to unlock the door and this is why the handle was moving. But nothing, so I stood there for about 2 minutes then walked back around to my truck. I go to their box that I was checking by the basement doors, when that door opens up and there is an older lady holding a toddler. Now before I knocked on her door I had already talked to her on her cell phone to figure out which house was hers, because no one here puts there house number on their mailbox or their houses!!! And I also kind of walk around the perimeter of the house to see if I could see a  problem. The electric company had replaced an old pole about 300 ft away from her house and this is where her buried line came to. So back to when she opened the door, I said hello and when did they change out that pole over there in your horse field? She just stared at me and said in a weird monotone voice "I don't know." I kinda of looked at her and chuckled, you don't know when the power board came into your yard and put in a new pole? She said again in the same voice "I work weird hours." "Ok then.......................... I will call you when I get it fixed, thanks?!" And yes there was a 15 second pause in between then and I in the last sentence. The problem was at that new pole, but this was something that is not a charge to the customer. So I don't understand the whole play stupid act, it would have just helped me diagnose the trouble that much quicker. And from my last post where the customer tried to get me into trouble I find myself trying to bite my tongue much more. It's not easy but I feel if I set my mind to it...ha ha ha.
Just wanted to share,
Marc

Sifting Through the White Trash

Today I'm posting about a customer I had a week ago. The pictures above are from the customers lovely single wide. As you see from the top picture we have an idiot that installed their new metal roof on top of our aerial drop. And the bottom picture is of their back deck where my telephone box is located. If you look under all the wood there is a dark brown table, if you look close enough between the top of the table and the bottom shelf of that table is my grey box. I went there to find these things and no one home, so I left after taking these pictures stating in my remarks on the trouble ticket unsafe condition. I was called back to the residence by dispatch because customer called back in to say she was home now. When I get there I find this dirty little women in scrubs and her neighbor waiting on me with nasty looks on their faces. She had an attitude from the minute I stepped out of my van. Asking why I didn't fix the trouble when I first was there? Well after showing her everything that I found, she told me that "I could just reach over the wood on her back deck." "Do you not see the screws and nails sticking out of said wood? I am not getting a tetanus shot just to fix your phone." Then the neighbor chimes in with" you should never talk to a lady like that"...?! WHAT, it took everything I had not to come back with you show me a lady, but I didn't. I then explained if I walked across her roof and fell through, she would be liable. To which she, "replied no I won't!" So I made sure I walked VERY heavy with the heals of my boots across this wonderful roof on her wonderful trailer. Meanwhile her and her neighbor took all the wood off the back deck. Everything got fixed and I tried to be somewhat civil to this women by saying "your all fixed, I'm sorry for the inconvenience and you have a nice day." To which I got a dirty look and then a view of the back of her head. Whatever, she is a sad little women that probably cleans toilets at an old age home, hence the reason for the scrubs she was wearing. Ok now the reason for this post, she then called into my corporate office to get me in trouble for my attitude. Now as I said before her phone and internet had been fixed, so it wasn't like this was a reoccurring problem and she wanted to complain. No this was directly to get me in trouble and or maybe even fired. In this day and age where jobs alone are hard to find, but well paying jobs are that much harder to find, why would you want to do this to someone? So I'm a big believer in fate, and I truly believe what comes around, goes around. I hope some old person shits on your head, and have a nice day!
Sorry for the rant, just made me mad...but otherwise everyone enjoy your day!
Marc

Back In The Saddle Again

Over 200 cookie jars. She had over 200 cookie jars, the women is literally going to cookie jar herself out of a house. Very sweet elderly women, but makes me wonder where is the line between collecting and hoarding. I mean her house was very clean, but EVERYWHERE you looked was a cookie jar. Ok now that I got that off my chest, how has everyone been? I really haven't had any crackpots of customers lately, but then I've been in a slight funk and have not taken the time to get to know my customers like I usually do. But after a few days away from work for my 11th wedding anniversary and a ton of honey-to-do things, I'm back and ready to see what flavor of stupidity my wonderful job is willing to throw at me. And it didn't disappoint...Had me a nice trailer the other day with 3 dogs running freely around the unfenced yard. The yard was all mud, with a cooler sitting in the middle of the yard. Not sure if this is the gathering place for the locals. The three dogs all felt the need to bark at me from the minute I pulled up and all the way till I was done an hour and a half later. Random chickens would cross my path from time to time, and I think I saw some pigs out there too. The longer I live here, the more normal these kinds of places (meaning redneck zoo's) are becoming to me. There were cameras strategically placed all over the trailer with the wires for these cameras just hanging and drooping off the trailer. So if you sneak up and pull on these wires, Inspector Gadget http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Inspector_Gadget loses his surveillance. They shipped me off to a more urban setting this fine Saturday. Now there was more traffic and a lot more people, but no difference is intelligence. I had a women who lived in a 1 bedroom apartment, nothing seemed strange until she opened the door. It was like being hit in the face with a big ball of ammonia. Then the crunching began as I walked across here carpeted floor. Where is the crunching coming from you might ask, from the 11 cat litter boxes sprawled all over the apartment. You would think that a place with 14 cats would be more, nah who am I kidding? There was more cat litter on the floor than in the boxes. Can't you die from inhaling these cat fumes for too long?! Just imagine the hair in this women's food, hell it was all over me and my black shirt looked like I had sexual relations with a Wookie http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Wookie. Is online dating that bad that a young women needs to sit home on a Saturday night with her 14 cats? Then a local tech from the area came by to see if I needed a hand, I appreciated his jester, but all he did was complain about everything he has to do at work. Do I seem like I'm http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/The_Phil_Donahue_Show or http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Dr._phil? I don't think so, we all have to deal with day to day BS, my outlet is this blog, maybe he should just simmer down and enjoy the world around him. As I try to do, hope everyone has good time doing whatever you sickos do,
Marc

Call Me If You Care ;)

I often give out my work cell number to my customers for the main reason of not getting repeat reports. Our company has a statistic, well they have a lot of statistics, but the one I'm more concerned about is the one where if you fix a trouble, the same phone number shouldn't be called back in on a trouble for at least 5 days, or it's considered a repeat. And this also gives the customer a sense that I care, which I do, but it's more for the repeats. With that said, I have customers that will call a trouble into the company right after I leave, why, I just gave you MY number?! Or you have the other end of the spectrum, where I get a call and the person will say "Marc, is that you? Well you fixed my phone 4 years ago and you said call you if it starts up again. You remember the last time it was down at the corner?" 4 years ago, I'm lucky I remember how to get home. Then you have the customers that like to call you just to tell you they've switched over to your competitors. It was a guy that lives right down the street from me, he kept having a reoccurring trouble that seemed to clear whenever I would get there. Well I hadn't heard from him in awhile and thought we might have finally got it. But he calls me on a sunny day and I asked if it was back and that I was on my way, when he stopped me and explained to me that he was going to the cable company for his phone service. I let him get his little spiel out, then asked him why he called me? He said "Just to let you know"...really, does it make you feel better letting me know that a pain in the ass customer is now going to be the cable companies pain in the ass, I was kind of happy but it was the point that he called to personal tell me he was leaving us. Good bye! Then just the other day another customer who lives in the sticks and expects large city service called me and was explaining about calling the main office and not getting a return postage sticker yet. He told me "Well I had your number from when you dropped off that modem to me, and that now I'm with the cable company and I'm getting 25 megs and it's great..." When I interrupted him and said, "Sorry to stop you in the middle of your cable company commercial, but why did you call me sir?" "Oh, to tell you that you can come by here and pick up this modem." Yeah, I'll be right over?! I've even had someone call me and tell me their neighbor gave them my number. I feel like a hooker, people passing around my work phone number, maybe I should just go put it in the bathroom stalls at the local restaurant. But the main lesson learned is that no matter what level of craziness the customer may be at, they gonna get my number!
Marc