Theme Of This Post: Weird Women Encounters

I bring to the table this post, two different older women that explained to me that they have cancer and need their phones working. Both puffing on a cigarette while telling me this, life choices is what I'm chalking that up too. Next was another older woman that came to the door and told me she "wasn't expecting me", to which I replied, "Did you call in a trouble report ma'am?" And she said "Yes." So I said "Can I come in, the trouble is inside?" "NO, I wasn't expecting you!" At this point I just slowly turned away and said "Have a nice day ma'am." What am I supposed to do? Are these life's small challenges that it throws at people from time to time? How can you even combat with something like that? It's like going to a flea market and expecting brand new designer products for rock bottom prices...lol. You get what I mean, I hope. But my final thought for this post is something that happened to me very early in this week. It is something I've heard before from other technicians, but never really encountered on my own. Now I have been doing my style job for about 17 years, meaning having to go to peoples houses. Which reminds me of a time I had to go to a single wide trailer early on the morning. Now I don't remember telling this story on here but if I did, just skim over it till I get back to my original story....ok? I knock on the door to let the customer know that I was going to be raising their drop wire up off the top of their trailer. It's nice to tell people this before they hear weird noises banging on their house. So like I said I knock on the front door and a young girl, early 20's opens the door in just her bra. Realizing it's me, she jumps behind the door and screams "Oh my God, I thought you were my Dad!" Uh wait, what weird twisted family are these peoples a part of? Ok, quick old story, but back to what I was talking about before, I arrive at the customers house about 8:30 am. It's a little farm about 20-30 acres I'd say. I park at the house and I'm greeted by a older gentleman in red coveralls and rubber boots that come to right below his knees. Now he's probably 4'10" and just a cool older fellow. He explains to me about the phone, and that the box I'm looking for is in his basement. So as I'm following him around towards the basement, we exchange pleasantries about the weather and how screw mowing all this damn grass. As we get close to the door I can hear a woman talking. He opens the door and I follow, to which he turns to the left, as do I. When I turn and look up, there is the woman talking on the phone that was reported not working but she is bent over facing me and the water balloons were just a dangling. She was butt a$$ naked. I immediately turned and walked about 25 feet outside the door and just stared at the cows. I know that my face had to be as red as his coveralls. I heard him say, "The phone mans here, put your clothes on." A few seconds later he told me to "Come on, she's gone." I later figured out that was where their shower was, but DAMN, I wasn't expecting full frontal nudity of a 80+ year old woman. It's supposed to be a young skinny vibrant late 20ish female, this isn't a fantasy AT ALL!!! I had to later come back after I fixed the problem and talk face to face with both of them. I tried to direct all eye contact with him. I don't think she knew what I saw, but he did, and it freaked me out. What do you think he would have done if I would have just stayed there and watched...lol, just kidding.
Well that's all I have,
Marc

It's Just a Basement...Right?

Well hello everyone, it's been over a month since my last post. I have been one busy bee at work since my coworker went out for surgery. But today is the first day in a while that I could sit down a reflect on all the wonderful people I have met in the past month. I've been keeping notes on weird people just so that I could come back later to explain here in my blog. I even have a new story for My Life as a Redneck Neighbor Blog, God I hate my neighbors!!! But enough about that, the little tale I'm going to tell you about actually happened yesterday. I had arrived at the house I had a trouble ticket on. A little old lady, maybe in her late 60's greets me at the door. Telling me that lightning had gotten her phone and her satellite. So I go to our box to check it out, and indeed lightning had tore the box up. I replaced all the guts inside and still didn't have any dial tone. I measure it to find that it had broke at the pole also. After I fix that I call her house with no answer. I go into the house check the phone and still nothing, but it was working at our box. Well with my above the average person intelligence level, I figured out something might be wrong between our box and this jack. Real genius I am...lol. So I come back inside to get a better look at the jack. Her couch was in the way and I told her I needed to move it out. She told me "It's heavy, that's why I don't clean behind there." Looking at the rest of her house, at this point that is, and say to myself SURE, that's the reason. So I slid it out to see that lightning had also gotten it. "Ok can I see your basement please", since the wire was coming from downstairs. She gets this look on her face like did he really just ask me that. Then goes into explaining to me that her brother is on vacation down in Florida and he hasn't been by to take out her trash. ??? Then she opens the basement door. Holy shit, look at all that trash! Must have been the look on my face, cause she automatically apologizes. I get downstairs to find pathways through bags of trash, and I mean TRASH. How long has this brother been on vacation, since February?! But not only trash because all we've seem to have for the last month is rain, we now have soaked trash. So I start doing some investigation to find she has a collection of spiders working overtime on web making. Of course my face was what removed most of them. As I'm spitting webs out of my mouth I keep hearing "sorry!" from the little old lady. She had mentioned something about it's just a basement, that's what you do with them. And ask me if I had a basement, I said I did. She then said is yours like this, and I replied, "No, we use ours as a room, to which she said "Oh, sorry." Ok so after numerous trip back and forth to the van I finally get it fixed, which lightning had hit that wire in 2 more places in the basement. Lightning doesn't always play nice. Go back upstairs now to meet the sister who also lives there. She made me feel like a a free sample of candy dangling in front of a Wal Mart electric cart riding diabetic. She just made me feel uncomfortable, especially since I had to bend over to replace the jack. So of course I hid my ass crack before I go towards the floor, I think I heard a damn come from underneath her breath. I am a catch, just sad that it's to old ass women...lol. Well I get everything done and push the couch back to it's original position and go to my vehicle. The first old lady comes out about 45 seconds later and said,"Sir you forgot to put the box back on the wall." Now she told me she isn't able to clean back there but she's able to go back there to inspect my work?! I grabbed some double sided tape and attached the jack to the wall, even though the dust balls back there were bigger than her head. I find that people are weird about things in their life, she cares not about huge dust bunnies behind her couch or the fact that she has a small garbage dump in her basement, but God forbid that jack isn't attached to the wall...
I'm going home to get into the pool,
Marc

Things That Make You Go Hmmmmmmmmm?!

   Today I bring something to the table that still puzzles me from time to time. I've been doing house visits for at least 10 years, and every now and again I come across this. I knocked on the customers door and a young woman came out to greet me. She told me she had to put her dog up that was in the yard that I needed to get into. Having brought out a collar with her she then took the dog around the backside of the house. About that time someone else came out of the house, I'm guessing to stay with me in case I needed anything. The problem here is that I'm not really sure what sex this person was. I even tried to strike up a conversation with it, but damn that didn't get me anywhere. So I have come to the conclusion, it was either a prepubescent boy, or a, what's the politically correct term...gay female trying to look like a prepubescent boy. And not that it really matters, but I would like to know what I'm talking too. Just in case I make an off colored joke, I want to know that I offended the wrong person. LOL just kidding, I'm in customer service, I would never intentionally offend anyone on purpose. This makes me think back to the time I had to call a customer before I was to arrive at their house. Now my Facebook friends already know this story but, here it goes anyways. Now it's our companies policy to call a customer that your working on before, during, and after. So I did as I was threatened to do and called this certain customer. Talked to them asked questions, blah blah blah, ended with "thank you ma'am, I will see you in a few minutes. Bye bye." To get there and find that the customer was an older man living alone. And I don't think he liked the ma'am comment, from his facial expression the whole time I was there.
   Here is another little tid bit of info on me, not that any of you care, but I'm gonna tell you anyways. My user name on here is crsh3x, I've used this name for years I guess since I was about 26 years old. Wow 15 years, damn I'm getting old. But where this name came from was when I worked at Bell Atlantic in Maryland I had 3 different accidents in my work van within a year and a half, which led to my early retirement from said company. So my user name is meant as crash 3 times, which equals unemployment. Ha ha ha, everything happens for a reason.
Ok, that's it for a Saturday,
Marc

Well Look At That Almost 2000

   First I would like to take the time and thank the 12 of you out there reading my blog. As it gets closer to 2000 views, I never thought anyone would even read it once let alone 2000 times. So once again thanks.

   Yesterday I had a customer that I've had before, but it has been some time since I had been there. I did remember he was from Jersey or somewhere in close proximity, just because of the way he talked. I get there and he greets me at his screen door. He is about 4' 8", no shirt on and has this weird golden brown old person tan....uuuuhhhhhmmmmm ok. Reminded me of what the Pillsbury Doughboy would look like right out of the oven. Now I know you should feel comfortable in your own home, but damn, between his little dog nipping at my ankles and his golden brown butterball gut, I felt uncomfortable. I was looking for a pop-up timer on his well baked ass. In the end I did get through all the "you know what I'm saying?" references and not kicking the dog once...on purpose that is.
   Had another customer who owned a child a few weeks back. Now the kids are and have been out of school since May 20th here. Yeah for us, damn road obstacles! But back to the story, well since the child is out of school what better way to keep him out of your hair then to tell him go see if the repair guy needs any help. And darn if that kid didn't stick to me like a dog's tongue on his own...(you get the point). I had to run a new wire along the outside of their home. Of course 80% of the house I had to get to had 4' high bushes in front of it. Not so bad if it hadn't rained the night before. Needless to say I knocked most of the water off the leaves, with my face, UGH!!! Then I get to the porch where this child's toes are in flip flops 3" from my head.  The kid never said anything, just watched me like a hawk watches a field mouse. Gave me an odd feeling, but I then remembered, it's not the kids fault he's dumb, it's his parents fault for being such close DNA matches. It got to the point where I had to ask him to move so that I could get my wire through yet another very wet bush. I felt like getting the kid to hold my wire then shoving him into the bush. But that wouldn't be very customer oriented, now would it?
   On a side note, you know what's fun to do? Ask a customer if you may use their restroom, and imply that it's so you can do a #2. Tried it twice in my 17 years as a repirman, didn't work either time. Damn I would've built a nest, not like I want my butt touching where your butt touches...lol.
Have a great day,
Marc

Oh The Jobs I've Done

Well its' been over a month since I've last posted, but in my defense I've been busy with the honey to do list and people visiting us....sooooo. Not too many fruitcakes as of late at my job, so there is another reason for my lack of posting. I did have a lady come to my van window when I pulled into their driveway and speak AT me, with what I figured was here outside voice. And only like 6 inches from my face, nothing like a women shouting at you that close. I think I could feel facial hair moving from here breath winds...not pleasant! But since I haven't had any overly fun customers lately, I figured I might write about some of my past jobs, and I have had a lot of past jobs! First job that I would like to talk about was not my very first job ever, but was early in my job getting career. It was a McJob as I like to call it. Now most of the time you could find me in the back walk-in eating pickles out of the 5 gallon bucket and slurping down OJ. And I would grab a few McNuggets to get the pickle breath off me. But the real kicker to this job was how I lost it, I was fired for sexual harassment. I, being the kind hearted person that I have always been, felt the need to make a not so pretty girl feel good about herself. How, you might ask could I, a simple little fellow do something like this? Simply by grabbing her butt, this I thought at the time might just give her the self confidence she needs in this hard reality we live in. But instead of the self boost I was hoping for, just got me let go. One good thing is that I learned a valuable life lesson from this experience, never eat that many pickles in one sitting. Another job as a youth I had was at a wood pallet place, here they would refurbish pallets then resell them. No big deal, right?! I get there on my first day and I would say about 30 minutes into the shift I hear a siren and see some guy leaving with his hand all wrapped up. The boss then comes over to me and explains that I will be changing jobs due to an unfortunate event. Meaning the guy I just saw leave with his hand half ripped off was on this piece of machinery he wants me to now jump onto, needless to say I quit that job within 10 minutes of that news. Had a job at Taco Bell, but that was me sitting in the back walk-in eating yellow cheese and cinna-twist. I've had numerous jobs as a dishwasher/cook at some of the corporate places like Friday's, Red Lobster, Outback, etc...Good place to meet people and go find parties, but that's about it. Couldn't handle that lifestyle anymore, so glad I did it, but no more. Had a job at a bowling alley when I was in Southern California, I never knew how many Asians lived in this part of the world, nor did I know how much they like to bowl?! The part I liked about this job was when these Asians came to bowl, you couldn't get a pair of bowling shoes under the size 5, all taken. Little feeted people bowling, I'm sorry that's funny to me! Some other places I've worked, Uhaul, Sbarro's, Dominoes, MCI/ Verizon Business, I was a paperboy, Bell Atlantic, Bill Bateman's, Rainbow vacuums salesman, Hi Gear Auto, Papa Johns and a few more that at this point I can't remember. So there you have the life of a slacker before he walked into responsibility. Hey but it has made me the smart ass I've become today. And for that I'm thankful...
Hope everyone is enjoying this hot weather as much as I do working outside in it,
Marc

McDisgusting

Is there ever a polite way of telling someone they live in filth? From time to time I find myself going into places that is beyond livable. And yesterday I had one of those lovely experiences...I was met at the door by, wait, let us start with coming up to the house. I see the address numbers on a sign by the street and make the turn into the driveway. Here is where I first hear the lovely sounds of a small dog barking to greet me, but couldn't see him through the tall grass, always a plus to not run over customers pets in their driveways. I see this house that just looks run down with two of the windows boarded up. And on the corner of this house I once again see the house address on the side of this P.O.S. and start thinking AWESOME!!! But as I got further into the landscaping nightmare, I saw a car parked behind the shack. And low and behold a single wide was back there with it. Not much better but more put together then the 1st house. Now at this point I have finally got to see what was barking at me, a little male daschund that was as friendly as could be. And another white Toto looking dog that just kinda sat there and stared at me. I knocked on the door and out came a women that has, how do I say it, let herself go?! Wearing a t-shirt and I'm not too sure if anything else was under there, but a there was a very large t-shirt on her. From what I could tell the inside had about the same effort put into cleaning it as the outside did, with just a hint of Pine Sol in the air...ha ha just kidding, it smelled like old McDonald's and farts coming out of that place! There in the back ground I could see the silhouette of something behind her, not sure what it was, but it was large. I was explaining to her that I had installed her service and was wondering if she had hooked up her modem yet? She told me no and that her son said he could do it. At this point the person behind her came out of the shadows and appeared in the daylight. It was a young girl, maybe late teens early twenty's. I'm not going to comment on her for the fact I kinda feel sorry for her, seeing how she is living. I'm guessing  this was my customers daughter, or girlfriend to the son. I went and checked to make sure that everything was working as it should at the box and came back to tell her it was good to go. This is when I met the son, he too was over the 350 lbs. mark and wasn't wearing a shirt? WTF, I weigh a lot less than that and barley EVER take off my shirt in the house, how in the heck can this guy feel comfortable walking around outside???? It's really weird how one's nipples start to oval out after they become so large, only on males of course, no need pissing off the ladies. And besides they usually keep their shirts on. I did see the one women tell the little dog to stop trying to come in the house, which I think was a smarter choice for the dog then he realized. Now I know this seems like a rant about overweight people, but it's not, it's about people being lazy and not taking care of themselves, their pets, and their personal property. Damn you live there, take a little pride and clean up.
Sorry for the rant just venting, have a good day,
Marc

Internet, The Wave Of The Future...For Old People?????

Theme for this post: OLD PEOPLE ON THE INTERNET LIKE PORN TOO!!!
The other day I had the opportunity to meet a very nice elderly couple. They invited me in, and we went to the spare bedroom where their modem was. He started by telling me what he had already tried and what has been happening prior to my arrival. Then the wife chimes in about her having troubles with calling long distance. I then noticed a weird little look come across her husbands face after she spoke. Not shortly after that they both left the room. I started to look at the modem and do some test when I heard them start to argue/disagree but not in a drunkin' slap around and cursing kind of way, more like if Mary Poppin's and Nanny McPhee were to meet in a back alley in Britain. But back to the point, they were discussing how she needs to stop bothering the repairman with stupid things like long distance and voice mail, he needs to worry about getting the internet back up. "Besides, you talk to darn much to that nosey sister of yours anyways! I thought we moved here to get away from her?!" Now the reason I know this is because, they are old and they tend to speak loudly at each other so the other can hear. Now knowing this, and the fact that they stepped out of the room so that I wouldn't, makes it that much more awkward when they return. Both come in staring at me as I'm sitting on their floor messing with the jack. The tension seemed to die down after I mention how long it had been since I had watched The Price Is Right, oh that's right forgot to tell you that The Price Is Right was playing on their TV. See, these are things you learn while out amongst the normal people, to try and diffuse a situation by making whoever is upset feel relaxed. And something about Drew Carey and "A NEW CAR!!!" that just makes the blue hair's calm. http://www.urbandictionary.com/define.php?term=blue%20hair We got everything fixed with his internet, and I pulled the misses on the side while the mister played on his computer, and explained to her what she needed to do to get her long distance fixed. I then left her my number, and told the husband I did so, just so we don't get another call from a mad husband... (earlier post), and I was on my way. Good times with some relics....ha ha ha  Love me some oldies! One more for the road, I had another older guy that had internet problems, but he lived with 3 fat little dogs and that was it. He smoked like a chimney, and that is always a plus for someone that doesn't smoke anymore. But while I'm trying to figure out what's going on, his desktop switches over to his screen saver. Which was set on his picture file I guess. Random pics of family members are popping up. Some people more than others but just random memories. Not a big deal, right? WRONG, then here and there a down shirt shot would pop up. But it was of some of the teenage girls that were in the other family pictures, and they weren't what I would exactly call consented pictures. Shit like that really makes me feel uneasy, this is his personal weirdness, not something I should be privy too. But he knew what was on it, and didn't try to make the screen saver go away...weird pervert is how I'm chalking that one up!
Have a great day and stay weird normal people,
Marc

Hit Me Like a Ton of Cat Shit Bricks

I entered a house today that completely smelled like very strong body odor. Now you would think as you moved around this house it would calm down, but it didn't, every room I went into, it was almost like Ben Stiller in Along Came Polly playing basketball http://www.youtube.com/watch?feature=player_detailpage&v=OSqvy93s4ao... eeeewwwwhhhh!!! How can one live in this funk, but I guess much like the crazy cat ladies, after your used to the ammonia cat pee smell you just don't notice it anymore. Thank goodness I only had to be in there about 4.5 minutes! Yesterday, I was asked, well told when I got in that I would be going to another area to help out. No problemo, should be no trouble at all. Boy was I wrong! There was people, stop lights, and traffic everywhere. I'm used to being on a road for an hour and not seeing anyone pass me in that time frame. Here, you better be looking or they will run your butt over, then honk at you for getting pieces of you on their hood. It's been about 6 1/2 years since I've lived up north and have become slightly accustom to the slower paced life. But enough about me being a deer in headlights around civilization, the third job I had in this area was in an middle class neighborhood, nothing out of the ordinary. I checked the customers trouble out, and seemed to be working fine on the outside, but no one was home. So I called the can be reached number to see if I could get access inside. A lady answers and after explaining who I was and what I found, she asked if I would mind staying th+re until she got there? I told her I would and she arrived about 10 minutes later. We greet and then go inside to check her internet, bam we walk into cat urine castle, you know, the kind that takes your breath away. Monday's are always the best! After I start testing on her modem, she asks me a question. "Can anyone just get access to your cell phone records?" "Excuse me?" "Well since you work for the phone company I figured you might know." "No ma'am, not really sure, but why?" My own fault at this point....right....I asked her, should have just kept my mouth shut. Now really quick, I forgot to mention that her husband had passed away back in January of this year. So she explains that she has a boyfriend and that he was almost fired today. "Why is that?" I'm just glutten for punishment...lol. Well his company said they had obtained his cell phone records and had all her text messages she had sent to him. And since she was a customer they, the company, felt it was in bad taste for him to date a customer. So I asked "Was this his company cell phone?" "No, his personal." "Well then, I can't see how they can get his cell phone records without a court order." She then emphatically explained to me this is what he is telling her and that she is going to go to Verizon and find out why all this is going on! At the time I thought nothing of it and wished her luck. That night I was telling my wife about the incident, and the first thing she said was, "He's trying to get rid of her." Damn, now that I think about it, he was. And she was buying this story...LOL. Well I guess she will learn eventually. But I think the moral of the story here is, don't get a boyfriend 2 months after your husband of a bunch of years passes away, oh and clean that damn cat litter!!!
Enjoy everyone,
Marc

Just Because Me Smile, Doesn't Mean I give a ...!!!

What part of a friendly person says yes, I want to hear about your weird hobbies, or please show me your odd collection of weird shit? I think in general I'm a happy out going kind of person, but then again when it comes to my job, I have to be a pleasant person being that I work for/with the public. Now a smile and a slight question about something I might notice in someones house sure can open a large can of I don't care. But yet time after time I find myself looking at a customer's old love notes, or drinking glasses from the 1900's. These are impressive things to some people, just not me. Why someone would hold onto a collection of Dale Earnhardt anything is beyond me. And while we are on the subject of racing, the amount of toy racing cars still in packages I've seen stapled to a wood paneled wall is just ridiculous!!! These are grown ups with Hot Wheels stapled to their walls, uhm who do you think is going to buy these from you? I also don't think stuffed animals should ever be used to decorate any room in your trailer, especially if no children live there! The whole wall was just stuffed animals, like when they tried to hide E.T. in the closet.
I had a guy that kept all his old Pabst Blue Ribbon 12 pack boxes, he had to be a drunk, the whole out building was filled with them. On a side note, a child came running down the stairs of a house I was in today yelling "the chicken somehow got out of it again!" LOL, not going upstairs is all I was thinking. Yesterday I was lucky enough to have to work on a customer who phone line is in buried cable. Well wouldn't you know it, every pedestal I had to go in was a mouses house. And those mice sure do pee and pooh a LOT!!! And this is a very distinctive smell. So once I bleached my hands, I found the customers problem underneath his deck/wheelchair ramp. I start to crawl under it and get myself in a position to work on the wire. I find that the wonderful cat has chewed on the wire and the water from the lovely weather we've had was making a horrible static noise on their line. As I'm fixing the problem I keep smelling a weird smell, after a slight turn of the head, I notice I'm 3-4 inches from cat shit. This is where their cat takes his moment in the day to reflect and I'm laying next to it. I guess the cat finds himself bored while pooping and feels the need to chew on the phone wire...WTF?! But the customer is fixed, I'm cat pooh free and it's going to be warm this weekend...Glass is half full people!
Marc

Tighter Than a Duck's Butt

Today I had what I felt to be a close encounter of the worst kind. And it got me thinking about certain situations on my job that have made me a little more than uncomfortable. Where I work has a good portion of it in the mountains and February through March is windy season. Now if you have never experienced the warm feeling of being 30 feet in the air when a 65 mph wind comes at you, then you don't know how well certain muscles will work all by themselves. You become at one with the pole and hope your ladder has the same idea. The incident today happened under a trailer. I was a good distance underneath it when I heard a flush of the toilet. Now if anyone knows a thing or two about trailers, then you also know that more than not someone besides a plumber is connecting all the piping up. Which means sometimes you find a little toilet drainage on the ground under and around the trailer. Mmmm mmmm good I tell you!!! So when your underneath and you hear any kind of water rolling through the pipes, you become a bit weary. But all was good and they had a professional do their plumbing...win for me! Another time where I did an ass pucker was when I was working on a customers box on the outside of the house, been there about 2-3 minutes and was just getting ready to go back to my van when I noticed a very large dog in between me and my van. Now from past experiences I have learned to keep dog treats for just this occasion. Buttttttt, they were in the van which was 100 ft and a very big Mastiff away. So much for that waste of genius. You must show no fear is what I have heard, so I tried to do hand gestures, so the dog wouldn't see my knees knocking together. Maybe getting eye level will work, nope. The dog then tackled me, at least he was friendly.
Well that's about it, off to enjoy the nice weather,
Marc

Knock Knock

Ok, I knock on the door as I usually do. There is a car in the driveway and lights are on. Well I see the door knob turn a few times then it stops, no talking, no unlocking sounds, no nothing. I'm thinking maybe it's a child and the parent is telling them not to open the door till they get there, or they forgot to unlock the door and this is why the handle was moving. But nothing, so I stood there for about 2 minutes then walked back around to my truck. I go to their box that I was checking by the basement doors, when that door opens up and there is an older lady holding a toddler. Now before I knocked on her door I had already talked to her on her cell phone to figure out which house was hers, because no one here puts there house number on their mailbox or their houses!!! And I also kind of walk around the perimeter of the house to see if I could see a  problem. The electric company had replaced an old pole about 300 ft away from her house and this is where her buried line came to. So back to when she opened the door, I said hello and when did they change out that pole over there in your horse field? She just stared at me and said in a weird monotone voice "I don't know." I kinda of looked at her and chuckled, you don't know when the power board came into your yard and put in a new pole? She said again in the same voice "I work weird hours." "Ok then.......................... I will call you when I get it fixed, thanks?!" And yes there was a 15 second pause in between then and I in the last sentence. The problem was at that new pole, but this was something that is not a charge to the customer. So I don't understand the whole play stupid act, it would have just helped me diagnose the trouble that much quicker. And from my last post where the customer tried to get me into trouble I find myself trying to bite my tongue much more. It's not easy but I feel if I set my mind to it...ha ha ha.
Just wanted to share,
Marc

Sifting Through the White Trash

Today I'm posting about a customer I had a week ago. The pictures above are from the customers lovely single wide. As you see from the top picture we have an idiot that installed their new metal roof on top of our aerial drop. And the bottom picture is of their back deck where my telephone box is located. If you look under all the wood there is a dark brown table, if you look close enough between the top of the table and the bottom shelf of that table is my grey box. I went there to find these things and no one home, so I left after taking these pictures stating in my remarks on the trouble ticket unsafe condition. I was called back to the residence by dispatch because customer called back in to say she was home now. When I get there I find this dirty little women in scrubs and her neighbor waiting on me with nasty looks on their faces. She had an attitude from the minute I stepped out of my van. Asking why I didn't fix the trouble when I first was there? Well after showing her everything that I found, she told me that "I could just reach over the wood on her back deck." "Do you not see the screws and nails sticking out of said wood? I am not getting a tetanus shot just to fix your phone." Then the neighbor chimes in with" you should never talk to a lady like that"...?! WHAT, it took everything I had not to come back with you show me a lady, but I didn't. I then explained if I walked across her roof and fell through, she would be liable. To which she, "replied no I won't!" So I made sure I walked VERY heavy with the heals of my boots across this wonderful roof on her wonderful trailer. Meanwhile her and her neighbor took all the wood off the back deck. Everything got fixed and I tried to be somewhat civil to this women by saying "your all fixed, I'm sorry for the inconvenience and you have a nice day." To which I got a dirty look and then a view of the back of her head. Whatever, she is a sad little women that probably cleans toilets at an old age home, hence the reason for the scrubs she was wearing. Ok now the reason for this post, she then called into my corporate office to get me in trouble for my attitude. Now as I said before her phone and internet had been fixed, so it wasn't like this was a reoccurring problem and she wanted to complain. No this was directly to get me in trouble and or maybe even fired. In this day and age where jobs alone are hard to find, but well paying jobs are that much harder to find, why would you want to do this to someone? So I'm a big believer in fate, and I truly believe what comes around, goes around. I hope some old person shits on your head, and have a nice day!
Sorry for the rant, just made me mad...but otherwise everyone enjoy your day!
Marc

Back In The Saddle Again

Over 200 cookie jars. She had over 200 cookie jars, the women is literally going to cookie jar herself out of a house. Very sweet elderly women, but makes me wonder where is the line between collecting and hoarding. I mean her house was very clean, but EVERYWHERE you looked was a cookie jar. Ok now that I got that off my chest, how has everyone been? I really haven't had any crackpots of customers lately, but then I've been in a slight funk and have not taken the time to get to know my customers like I usually do. But after a few days away from work for my 11th wedding anniversary and a ton of honey-to-do things, I'm back and ready to see what flavor of stupidity my wonderful job is willing to throw at me. And it didn't disappoint...Had me a nice trailer the other day with 3 dogs running freely around the unfenced yard. The yard was all mud, with a cooler sitting in the middle of the yard. Not sure if this is the gathering place for the locals. The three dogs all felt the need to bark at me from the minute I pulled up and all the way till I was done an hour and a half later. Random chickens would cross my path from time to time, and I think I saw some pigs out there too. The longer I live here, the more normal these kinds of places (meaning redneck zoo's) are becoming to me. There were cameras strategically placed all over the trailer with the wires for these cameras just hanging and drooping off the trailer. So if you sneak up and pull on these wires, Inspector Gadget http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Inspector_Gadget loses his surveillance. They shipped me off to a more urban setting this fine Saturday. Now there was more traffic and a lot more people, but no difference is intelligence. I had a women who lived in a 1 bedroom apartment, nothing seemed strange until she opened the door. It was like being hit in the face with a big ball of ammonia. Then the crunching began as I walked across here carpeted floor. Where is the crunching coming from you might ask, from the 11 cat litter boxes sprawled all over the apartment. You would think that a place with 14 cats would be more, nah who am I kidding? There was more cat litter on the floor than in the boxes. Can't you die from inhaling these cat fumes for too long?! Just imagine the hair in this women's food, hell it was all over me and my black shirt looked like I had sexual relations with a Wookie http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Wookie. Is online dating that bad that a young women needs to sit home on a Saturday night with her 14 cats? Then a local tech from the area came by to see if I needed a hand, I appreciated his jester, but all he did was complain about everything he has to do at work. Do I seem like I'm http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/The_Phil_Donahue_Show or http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Dr._phil? I don't think so, we all have to deal with day to day BS, my outlet is this blog, maybe he should just simmer down and enjoy the world around him. As I try to do, hope everyone has good time doing whatever you sickos do,
Marc

Call Me If You Care ;)

I often give out my work cell number to my customers for the main reason of not getting repeat reports. Our company has a statistic, well they have a lot of statistics, but the one I'm more concerned about is the one where if you fix a trouble, the same phone number shouldn't be called back in on a trouble for at least 5 days, or it's considered a repeat. And this also gives the customer a sense that I care, which I do, but it's more for the repeats. With that said, I have customers that will call a trouble into the company right after I leave, why, I just gave you MY number?! Or you have the other end of the spectrum, where I get a call and the person will say "Marc, is that you? Well you fixed my phone 4 years ago and you said call you if it starts up again. You remember the last time it was down at the corner?" 4 years ago, I'm lucky I remember how to get home. Then you have the customers that like to call you just to tell you they've switched over to your competitors. It was a guy that lives right down the street from me, he kept having a reoccurring trouble that seemed to clear whenever I would get there. Well I hadn't heard from him in awhile and thought we might have finally got it. But he calls me on a sunny day and I asked if it was back and that I was on my way, when he stopped me and explained to me that he was going to the cable company for his phone service. I let him get his little spiel out, then asked him why he called me? He said "Just to let you know"...really, does it make you feel better letting me know that a pain in the ass customer is now going to be the cable companies pain in the ass, I was kind of happy but it was the point that he called to personal tell me he was leaving us. Good bye! Then just the other day another customer who lives in the sticks and expects large city service called me and was explaining about calling the main office and not getting a return postage sticker yet. He told me "Well I had your number from when you dropped off that modem to me, and that now I'm with the cable company and I'm getting 25 megs and it's great..." When I interrupted him and said, "Sorry to stop you in the middle of your cable company commercial, but why did you call me sir?" "Oh, to tell you that you can come by here and pick up this modem." Yeah, I'll be right over?! I've even had someone call me and tell me their neighbor gave them my number. I feel like a hooker, people passing around my work phone number, maybe I should just go put it in the bathroom stalls at the local restaurant. But the main lesson learned is that no matter what level of craziness the customer may be at, they gonna get my number!
Marc

Mother Nature's Sense of Humor

The long delay since the last post has been due to a crap load of rain, snow, and now today freezing rain. And for someone that has to be outdoors for the majority of his job, it sucks! But low and behold, some customers make it even more miserable. In the first week, which was a majority of rain, I had encountered a lovely driver who felt the need to try and splash the guy that has to be in the rain fixing things, while he's trying to set up his ladder next to the road. Then I had a women who insisted I fix her internet as soon as possible, but wouldn't let me in her house cause I was all wet?! Touché to the elderly women who talked to me from inside her house while I stood on her porch that had no cover over it, for 15 minutes. There really isn't that many questions you can have about a trouble that was now fixed. My fault, should have just called her to prove that it worked, and than we could of had the in depth conversation about nothing. I am sorry you have no one around to talk to, but I'm getting soaked here. Now to the person that has a driveway made of dirt and grass, what did you think a heavy van and 3 days of constant rain would do to the passageway into your single wide palace? Of course I'm gonna make a rut, get some gravel or something. But the kicker here is that their trash was all over the yard. Priorities people! Then mid day Thursday we get the snow, once again another favorite of mine to work in. Then this fine Friday we got a wonderful frozen rain to coat everything in a thick layer of ice. Now yes, I work outside and know this is just part of it, but to have to deal with the idiots that we do along with the bad weather, I just call foul. I like the people that really have no reason to go out in this weather but just feel the need to be obstacles to the rest of us that do have to. Every one's had to have seen the person that scraps the ice off their windshield just in front of them. Not the whole window, just a small circle right in front of their face?! I really believe that if they could, they would just do two small holes for their eyeballs that would be it. Or the car that is just stopped in the middle of the road, for no real reason, just stopped there to look for something in the car. "No one else is on the road cause of how crappy it is, guess I can park it here and search for my lipstick." We were actually told to get off the road today because of how bad the roads are getting. But on a good note, we are only 53 days away from Spring! And on a side note, this is something that I posted on my Facebook page, I think everyone should check themselves in a mirror, if possible, before you answer the door. Check for bats in the cave, because once I saw this thing, I never made eye contact again with this customer. I literally talked to the booger. Some might think it would be polite to tell a person of this, but the whistle was so mesmerizing and slightly lulling that I just couldn't. And might want to check ones teeth or tooth in some cases, for food particles. No one likes to be waved at by a piece of broccoli, this goes to a friend of mine named Justin. He knows who he is, and he knows that I know he tried to be all sexy talking to those teachers and had NO CLUE that broccoli was there mocking him...LOL good times!!!
Go Ravens,
Marc

Today Was a Good Day...

This one is just about today, nothing special, just a Saturday that went smoothly. A rarity but they do happen. It started off with having to go check a no dial tone at a Mexicans home. Ok, get there and what do you know, no one speaks English. Now as I have stated before, it's hard to communicate when neither party knows what the other is saying. But I have come to find that Spanish speaking people that don't understand English always seem to answer you with "Yes." Like, "Where are the phone jacks located?" "Yes", or "How long has it not been working?" "Yes",  "Do you speak any English?" "Yes". So technically they're not lying they know yes... She showed me the other phone jack in her bedroom so that I could check this also to make sure it worked. Ok, but the babies crib is shoved up against the wall that it's on. I had to put my fingers through the rungs of the crib to get to it. I had a hard time getting it plugged in with my hands, imagine how well the baby will be able to get to it, and to the electrical plug that's right next to it, which the cordless phone is plugged into. So no safety covers for this family. "You see the baby can get to this, right?" "Yes" We got done with everything and they were happy, know how I know, they said "Yes" with a smile. I then had to go out in the country, where cell service doesn't work and the hint of cow crap is EVERYWHERE!!!  I got to pet a donkey, lucky me. Donkey hair is not very fluffy, nor silky as one might think. Fix the country persons phone, went to house, no one there, win for me. No customer contact is sometimes a good thing. I then found myself going back on the other side of the county, nice 27 minute ride for me, to find that the three stooges are now moving and installing trailers. Why might you ask would I call them the three stooges? Because these dumb *&^%s took out everything hanging across the street from the pole to my customers house. Now how do you not figure that something that is at least 15 feet high in the air on the back of a trailer is not going to hit anything that might be going across the road? Who needs brains when you got a truck, Get 'er' Done. It's not just a saying around these parts, it's a way of life! I then got to clean out my van and write this...so as I said it was a good day. Now off in 15 minutes and I gonna watch some football. Go Ravens!!!
Enjoy, Marc

Party Like An 80 Year Old

I just want to start this off by saying that I'm not a big fan of having to work in old age homes. Something about the smell of adult urine, and old people screaming just kinda freaks me out! That said, one of my jobs today was in an old age home. I go to the customers room and knock, really loud, cause they don't hear so well, then go back to the manager's office to get her to let me in. We go back to the room where she opens the door and yells the customers name, guess what, he was there?! She leaves and I go in very cautiously, and find the man on his bed pulling up his pants. Ugh, "sorry sir." "No your fine." In my head thinking no I'm not, ewh! Start to check the phone and find his cordless has no power. Basically he plugged his cordless phone into a socket that is turned on and off by a light switch. And the light switch was turned off.  How I found this out is by tracing out his cords one to the phone jack and one to the wall socket. The problem here is that the phone cord went across his little table, but now knowing what it was under/running around on the table makes me a little sick. A dirty pair of undies and something that looked as if it was white once, but now is a brown stained color. Why? Why? Why? At this time the gentleman got himself together and joined me in the living room. Now he got a little close to me, more than I would like but he's old, I'll let it slide. Then he put his hand towards my manhood/junk and kinda brushed it?! Figuring he's old and senile, I just let it go, thinking no he didn't do that on purpose, but I did raise an eyebrow.  I then notice a few other things in the room that started to make me feel uncomfortable, like his socks dripping wet and hanging from the 42" TV. The pair of Depends hanging half in and half out of the garbage can, and SOMETHING was shut in his refrigerator door and hanging out. All I know is that it wasn't, from what I could see, a part of any food group that I have ever witnessed. I made sure he knew what had happened and tried to get him to understand so that we wouldn't have this issue in the future. I offered my goodbyes and wouldn't you know it...AGAIN with the rubbing across my pants in the groin section. I feel used and abused now! So is this the kind of crap I'm gonna have to deal with in the new year? Now I went to my van in the parking lot after I was finished, I wanted to get this down while it was still fresh in my head. Just finished typing it up then turn to find the customer I just left, 2" from my drivers window smoking a cigarette. Holy Shit!! I rolled down my window and ask him, "Everything ok sir?" "Yes, just loafing around." OMG get the $%#@ away from me! I said once again in my head. This trip did not help my phobia of old age homes, if anything it has set my progress back.
Happy New Years all, I need a drink!
Marc